Fall

I love fall.  I love the colors, the feel, the smell.  Something about fall makes me come alive.  Spring doesnt do it for me, summer is just too hot and makes me want to hibernate indoors. Fall?  THAT's when I want to rush outdoors. It begins to cool off and I just end up with more energy.  I love winter too but fall is MY season.  Its September now.  In Texas, that doesnt mean anything.  Fall wont hit here for another week...maybe even 3 or 4.  Sometimes its still 90 degrees at Halloween!  But, eventually, it cools down and the air clears and smells clean and sharp and I emerge, blinking, from my airconditioned lair.  Slowly I creep out and smile up at the sunshine, tie my shoes and go for a wander.....

Moving on

Must be the season for loss.  The Bible says there is a time for everything so this must be the time for moving on.  Saturday morning a man I grew up with passed on.  This man was my dad's best friend. You hardly saw one without the other.  I remember I learned my dirty jokes at a very early age by quietly listening to them. Don was larger than life.  Treated me as if I were his own and I loved him as if he were my own too.  Luckily, he passed quickly and quietly with his wife there.  Moving on.
Monday, another passing.  Just heard the news today.  A woman I've known since I was 3 years old.  I grew up with her daughters.  Ran with them as a best friend.  Spent my childhood running through her house as if it were mine.  Talked with her, learned from her.  She was a brilliant artist, sculptor.  I remember her like it was yesterday. She was patient and kind and a wonderful mom.  Her daughter tells me she went well and not to be sad as she is no longer in pain or ill so I will not cry...but I will mourn as I have lost two people from my childhood who meant a lot to me.  Who had a hand in forming who I became as an adult, whether they know it or not.  I loved them both and will miss them and mourn them.  Moving on.

Plans

Ahh, wedding plans.  All weekend I've run hither and yon putting deposits down to make sure the place I want gets held for my big day. I have a reception set up at a nice restaurant and a garden reserved for my ceremony.  I have a friend to take lovely photographs, another friend making fancy cakes...yet another friend officiating the service and one more coordinating the whole thing in one big wonderful choreographed dance. My photographer friend just mentioned engagement pictures...what??? Goodness, I didnt know I had to do that.  There seems to be so much I dont know.  I've done this before. This isnt my first rodeo. I just dont remember what is all entailed.  My mother handled most of this so I dont remember a lot..granted it was also 22 years ago and I've aged quite a bit.  HA.  So.  There is a lot to do but there is a lot of time to do it in.  But I'm so very excited...I cant wait to marry him.

SURPRISE!

Im getting married.  I think Sir is as surprised about this developement as I am.  Neither of us had ever planned to remarry and all of a sudden we're making these plans of where we're going to live and where we're going to have a ceremony and who's going to be invited and stuff like that.  I'd be just thrilled to go to a justice of the peace and do a quick thing but he actually wants a ceremony so...I guess we're going to have a wedding.  Im nervous and stressed Im not really sure how to do this this time.  But, I have dress and a ring and Im getting plans together.  I love him more than I ever thought possible.

Collared (NSFW)

to put a collar on; furnish with a collar

I get asked periodically about my lifestyle.  I answer and get the odd looks or snickers or whatever so today, here, I'm going to explain just a small piece of why I am what I am...or why I do what I do.

I am a submissive.  I am intelligent, head strong, and fairly well-rounded.  I am not abused, meek, cowed or quiet.  I have a normal, demanding job; a family, including mostly grown kids etc...few if any of my family knows of my lifestyle-because I choose it that way.

Here is one part of MY D/s relationship:

Everyone has stress.  Bad days, bills, etc..  I also have anxiety to go along with everyday crap.  Days that are hard or if I have too much pile up, I start getting anxious.  I get scattered and cant concentrate.  Sir knows this. Some D/s couples call their time together 'scenes' Ive always called mine 'sessions'.  Sir knows when I need one.

He will attach my collar around my throat and almost immediately I start to feel a calm come over me.  I hand over control to Sir and as I have total trust in him, I am suddenly more in control of me, of my emotions.  Since I can hand things over to Him, I can let go and settle and what was feeling scattered begins to come together.  

A bit more into a session and I can breathe.  I've let go of the stresses. I've gathered strength from his strength and I have the freedom to let all my worries and fears and bitchiness just drift away.  I actually relax when collared and in a session. 

After the session, the important things are still there but the anxiety , the bad day, the little bitchy, and unimportant stuff?  Those things are gone. My control is back. I can focus, concentrate.  I am settled and calm. 

This is why I am collared.  His collar truly is my freedom

Best Friends and Chicken Mini's

This is an older blog Im re posting here at the request of a friend.   This was originally posted sometime in 2007/2008. Enjoy!

Odd title, I know, but it will make sense.  heh heh, At least to those that matter.
Kami is probably the bestest friend I’ve had in a long time..  We get in trouble together..laugh together, cry together (often lol), celebrate together, man-bash together, have lived together off and on 4 (?) times, wanted to kill each other, and came close to hating each other.  Very few understand us, and if they did?  Maybe we wouldn’t work!  LOL  I love her like a friend, daughter, and sister. And have treated her as all three on many occasions.  We shared loves (not like THAT you perverts), heartbreaks, divorces, births, and deaths together.  I love her and would do just about anything for her.  (yes, kam, there are one or two things I’d probably balk at)
We go out periodically when her ex has her daughter and my ex has my son.  We drink and get a little loud and little crazy and have a LOT of fun.  We’ve gone to a karaoke bar the last two weekends called Yupps (yes shameless plug).  I’ve sang..(eek) and not done too badly.  I usually end up staying the night in her spare bed...alone.  At first I thought, yay-if I pick someone up....But now, I’m glad I haven’t.  I like going out, having fun and just...having fun.  No pressure.  No one to impress (cause if I needed to impress her we probably wouldn’t be friends anymore) and no one to entertain.  I can be me.  I can flirt if I want, or not.  We go home, I pass out and all is good.  I’ve had a good time and no awkward morning moments.  LOL...  After we get up - its off to Chik-fil-A...
OK..The chik’n mini part of the story and I’m not gonna tell any secrets here.  They became a Saturday Hangover ritual with me and Kam.  A "To The Grave" happening one night and we needed sustenance fast.  Ran to the nearest Chick-fil-A...chikn mini’s and sweet tea.  That was about 2 years ago and we’ve been doing it ever since.  Its PERFECT for a hangover.  Nothing too greasy, the bread soaks up any sour tummy feeling...chicken for a bit of morning protein.  I’d learned years ago (in my own early 20’s) that sweet tea is great for a morning hangover...sugar boost, cold, caffeine and tea is really good for you.  So..there.  My recipe. 
So...Best Friends and Chick’n Mini’s     How would we live without them?

LOVE

Love is ....

A lot of things. lol  Never pass up a chance to fall.  Even if you know you're going to get hurt.  Even if he's bad for you.   Fall for a week, a day, a month, a year, a lifetime.  Fall hard, fall soft.

Sometimes, falling is like toppling off a cliff.  Sometimes its like falling into a pile of feathers.  At times it will hit you like a mack truck, or  like bubbles blown by a child.

Every time you fall, do it with all your heart.  Fall with every part of you, hold nothing back.  Even if you get hurt, you learned a lesson and there will be another chance at love - but you have to allow yourself that chance.  Keep your heart open at all times.  Dont pass up a chance to love someone, even if they arent your "type".  THAT one may end up the ONE love of your life.  

Color outside the lines of your heart.  Use the BIG box of crayons. The one with gold, silver, forest green, midnight blue.  Use that box.  Use the weird colors.  The ones that spend years staying sharp while the others get ground down.  

When you feel yourself falling? JUMP!  Jump hard.  Slam right into love.  Dont be afraid.  Believe me, he/she is scared too. They have been hurt too.  They have been treated badly at least once, just.like.you.

And?  Love yourself.  Get naked. Yes, naked.  Full length mirror.  Dont shave.  Dont put on makeup or whatever it is that makes you 'feel' good.  Look at yourself and remember all the things you like. Your eyes?  Your little toe?  Whatever it is.  Look. and Love yourself.  Even if you have to go back to when you were a little boy or girl and loved yourself more than anyone in the world...do it and remember what it feels like to fall in love with the most important person. YOU.